Essay Cycle #2: Once I Was...; Now I am....

Start 9/27 -10/11

Sequence of Tasks:

Topic Description

First Coordinate Structure

“ONCE I WAS ______ ; NOW I AM _________ .”

For this essay, and a number that will will follow, we will begin the essay with a seed sentence or “kernel” sentence. The sentence for this essay is: “Once I was _______ ; Now I am __________ .” The structure for the essay exists within the two-part structure of the sentence. In this case, we are writing a “coordinate” structure—one in which two equal (or equivalent) items are related. Grammar serves as a metaphor for the relation of meaning. In a coordinate structure, two independent clauses are connected with a semi-colon (or a comma plus coordinate conjunction).

For this essay, think about the changes in your life and the way you have changed. There may not be a definite relation between these different times or a related cause for the differences. You’re just different now; each time has its own independent existence.

To help you get a feel for the topic (and do the invention exercise below), here are a number of example kernel sentences:

Once I was shy; now I am mellow.
Once I was fat and hated myself; now I am slender and happy.
Once I was a freak; now I’m a hero.
Once I played soccer as if a fire were in me; now I study and smoke a pack a day.
Once I was only a housewife; now I am a student.
Once I complained, but now I am free.

Notice, by the way, that none of the sentences has a negative half. The writer doesn’t say, “Once I was shy, but now I am not shy.” Also, the two sides are not polar opposites. They could be, but mostly the two sides are different.

Getting Started

Task 1) Learning about Essay Form, Introductions, and Comparison/Contrast

a) Learning about "Essay Form
Read and study
-- Irvin Guide on Essay Form
--Anker Real Essays on Essay Structure p.28

b) Learning more about Introductions
Read and study
--Irvin Guide on Introductions
--Anker on Intros. p. 81-86

c) Learn about Comparison/Contrast
This happens to be a "Comparison/Contrast" type piece of writing, so take some time to learn some about comparison/contrast. Read/Skim Chpt. 15 from Real Essays on Comparison/Contrast.

You will notice a couple of things.
--I'm asking you to write this essay in a "one side at a time" format
--These kinds of essays tend to have a "mirror" type structure: a general area of comparison mentioned in one side is mentioned again in the other side, and typically in the same sequence. You should strive to have something of a "mirror" structure to your paper, but I don't want this paper to become all about form and strict adherence to form. I hope that this notion of mirroring might give you some ideas for development. You might have mentioned one thing in your Once side, but it is not mentioned again in the Now side. It doesn't have to be mentioned again, but it could.

(2-4 hours)

Task 2) Invention Exercise (due 10/1)

To do this invention exercise, copy and paste out the questions listed below into a new message inside the "E2 Invent" Forum

1) To begin the essay, let’s do some creating activities. Let’s take ten minutes and write as many sentences as you can on this model, “Once I was __________; Now I am ___________.”

2) Pick one sentence to work with (if you haven’t found one yet, keep listing sentences). Try rewriting this kernel sentence four to eight different ways—say essentially the same thing but with different words. See if you can find the way to say your kernel sentence that you like the most and that seems to fit the best.

3) Brainstorm on each side. List or freewrite (or both) for ten minutes (maybe more) on each side of your kernel sentence. Try to list details about when the “once” was. Describe yourself then. Think of examples that illustrate the way your were (specific time, specific place, specific people). Do the same thing with the “now” side.

4) What are some of the relationships or perspectives you see by comparing these two descriptions of yourself?.

(1-3 hours)

Task 2) Doing the First Draft (due 10/3)

Before you actually write your first draft, I encourage you to read and even respond to the E2 invention exercises of your peers. Look again at your own topic. Is it really what you want to write about? (If not, go ahead and do another invention exercise on another topic.)

When you are ready, go ahead and write your first draft. Here are a couple things to keep in mind for the first draft:

1. This is a first draft, so don't worry about it being perfect. Don't worry about grammatical correctness or issues of form or development. Just write out the draft as best you can at this point.
2. Put all the ONCE in one part of the essay and all the NOW in another part.  (Begin with either the ONCE or the NOW side—which ever looks more interesting.)
3. Make sure both sides of the kernel sentence are positive.  (Avoid a sentence like, "Once I was skinny; Now I'm not skinny.) You won’t be able to say much about what you are not.
4. Keep in mind that this is not a cause and effect essay—you don’t have to explain WHY the two sides are different or WHY you got from one to the other. (***This tip is really important!***)

When you are ready, post the draft to the the Essay #2--Draft #1 Forum

(1-3 hours)

Task 3) Peer Response on E2-draft 1(due 10/5)

You will DO THREE PEER RESPONSE (You can do a fourth peer response for extra-credit). Use the Peer Response questions listed below and please number your responses.

Task 4) Writer's Review on E2-1 (due 10/7)

Before doing your Writer's Review, take some time to

a) Look at the peer response you received
b) Review the learning materials related to Essay Form, Introductions, and Comparison/Contrast
c) Read this example essay TWICE
--Read it just plain
--Read it with commentary from me

To do this Writer's Review, go to your E2-draft1 in the Writing Club and reply to it. This response should be 200 words minimum.

Topic: What do you think about your draft right now? Where do you see it needs work? What is OK for now? What are you particularly struggling with in this paper? What ideas for dealing with these problems do you have? What will your special goals be for revising this paper?

(1-2 hours)

Task 5) Revise your Essay (Focusing on Content and Form)

Now I'd like you to revise your paper with the particular essay Objectives listed below in mind (all of them except avoiding fragments and run-ons). Save this draft as a new file with "draft2" in the file name.

Essay #3 Objectives: Essay Form—eventually, you will shape what you have to say into something with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Special focus on INTRODUCTIONS.  Look closely at the handout we cover on Thursday Use ILLUSTRATIVE STORIES to support and “SHOW” the way you were/are as you develop your essay.  Use description to your advantage in these stories. Use SPECIFIC stories/examples. Elegance of structure—the sequence of ideas/support in each side is mirrored in the other. EMERGENT TRUTH—when we put two things next to each other, often a third thing—some emergent truth about the two things being compared—arises.  Express in your conclusion the “emergent truth” the comes from looking at your once and now put next to each other. Avoid all run-ons and sentence fragments!

(1-4 hours)

Task 6) Grammar Goal--Review Sentence Fragments and Run-ons.

Run-on Sentences

Avoiding Sentence Fragments (1-3 hours)

Helpful review: You may have noticed that the issue of run-ons deals directly with how you "connect complete thoughts," so you might find looking again at the Guide to Sentence Structure and Punctuation would be helpful.

Task 7) Edit Your Essay

Next, look over your essay CAREFULLY for any errors related to fragments and run-ons (as well as Punctuation--review punctuation if necessary). Also, correct any other errors you come across. Do a spell check. (Time: 30 min. to 1 hour)

Note: I strongly suggest that you print a copy of your essay to do this editing of your paper. Studies have shown that writers do not edit as well when editing text on screen.

Task 8) Turning in the Essay --due by 10/11

Special Instructions for File Name conventions and Essay Document Format

1. At the top of the essay document you should include your name and the date.
2. Also, include the Title to your essay before the text of the essay begins.
3. Essays should be 12 point font and double-spaced.
4. Essays should be saved with the proper file name:
   --FILE NAME: E2--your initials (example E2-LLI)
5. Essays should be turned in as Rich Text Format documents. See this help page for changing your file into another format.

Turning in your essay

1. Log in to The Writing Club
2. Click Forum and go to the "Essay 2 Final Draft " discussion forum
3. Click "Add new discussion topic" to start a new message
4. In this new message, COPY and PASTE the text of your essay into the textbox.
5. Also, attach your final draft of the essay to this message post.
   Note: Be sure you have the file in RTF format and that you have included the correct file name. (You may need to open and resave the file to get the correct file name and format.)

The message you turn your essay in with will contain the text of the essay copied into the message-text and the essay attached to the message as an attachment. The essay in the message text makes it easy for your peers to view your essay (perhaps for peer response) and the attached version of the essay allows me to obtain a formatted copy of your essay. The discussion board messes up the formatting of texts.